a dime of years.

May 20, 2013

my very talented friend jill, who has claimed she cannot write, put together the most tender set of words a few days ago as she reflected on all she has received as mom to her now ten year old son jaden. there was my beautiful friend, another parent, so bowled over and amazed at all that a decade of parenting has given to her that she needed to give the experience words somewhere. and here too, am i.

the next day my girl turned ten, and though i am just one of a gazillion parents, following what is ultimately a simple biological directive, that day, the marking of a decade of being mom to my intelligent and challenging and lovely girl, anchored in me a piece of who i am, who i’ve become, as a mother. all that i owe to my maya – what i have learned, and am learning, as i do my best to guide and protect her – has made me a softer person, an avid listener, a bigger lover of children, a healer of booboos, a nerf gun warrior, a hot cocoa expert, a funnier comedian, a living room go-go dancer, a firm hand, a crisis interventionist, a story teller, a soul soother.

to the one whose little hand has been cupped in mine for this dime of years, whose long legs and neck and delicate ankles can bring me to tears for their paintbrush lines, whose post-karate sweat smells like perfume to me, who is sometimes the first to quell an argument with our secret let’s-take-a-breath word, whose water-over-pebbles giggles can make all the worries and troubles disappear for the music that they contain, thank you. for our porch dances when you were a baby, for locking eyes with me over your bottle before you gave in to slumber, for the footsies you play with me in your sleep even now, for feeling and being so authentically exactly who you are, thank you.

and because my own words feel small next to the breadth of my heart, there is this.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)*

i love you maya.







*ee cummings